... and she lived happily ever after.

Ahh... downtown. Nightlife. People everywhere. Dancing. Drinking. Hanging out with friends. A few of my favorite things! I love having a night out now and then to just be a woman, dressing up, flirting with my husband like the newlyweds we still are, playing a game of pool or shuffleboard, jumping from place to place seeing where feels right for the evening, running into people I know, some I've known forever and hardly see, others I've known only a little but still enjoy seeing, grabbing a drink here and there, letting go of any stress and just playing. All of those things are fun to me.

And then there's the fact that I am a Mother. A wife. A different woman. Or not, maybe just... the same woman, better at being me. :)
No matter how much fun I'm having, or how much I enjoy my freedom from home, housework and children... I have to check in where my kids are a few times so that I can enjoy myself fully while away. I plan for the next day and how much sleep I'll need, or rest time I'll have to recover while not neglecting my babies... I think different. I act different.
I love my friends, I've always been a, "huggie", "friendly", "social butterfly", type... I always will be. Now though, I hang on my husband, because he's my favorite person to be with. I watch how I act, because I don't want to misrepresent who I am by how I act like I've done in the past. I don't pretend to be best friends with people whom I hardly consider true friends. I love people, without faking it. I watch people, and wonder what their lives are like OUTSIDE this environment. I see plastics and I wonder, do they ever get tired of working so hard to feel pretty or handsome? Or realize they look just like half of the others wandering around acting mindless? I get crazy in a fun way, but never go crazy or forget myself. I enjoy myself, without regrets. Because my children mean the world to me and I have an example to set, and habits to form of the example I want to set. Because I love my husband and I don't care if it's cheesy or cliche', he is my favorite person, and the only one who's feelings about my actions and appearance truly matter to me. Because I have figured out just who I am, and I never want to forget again, or be "that girl", again.

It makes me proud that in a hard, horrible moment, one I dreaded for over a year, one I was not quite ready for... though shaken, I didn't lose myself. I was able to regain footing, find my center, take back my power again from one I'd given it to for far too long before, and go on with my life with the help of those who love me. Faced with it again I've no doubt it will be a process to be repeated, possibly several times in the future, but I came out on top one night. I managed to succeed in taking my power back one more time, and my night was still fantastic! And that's good enough for me. For now. :)

Yes, I don't think I will ever really outgrow my nights out. And I love that those nights have changed so drastically from what they looked like at 18, or 21.
I love who I am.
I love the life that I lead and the reasons that I have to be a better woman.
I love that I have found the strength to be that woman, and the joy in that.
I love being happy with myself, and watching myself learn, and allowing myself to learn.
I love that I have let go of relationships that were hindering that growth, and that I've found out that some friends, were real friends, there no matter what.
I love that my husband adores me so, goes out of his way to be there for me while I learn, and to learn and grow with me as we both adjust our lives to create a family and relationship that's so worthwhile to us.
I love that I have best friends to walk with me through some of the tough times, to hold my hand or wrap their arms around me and remind me of the powerful woman that I am, and to help create a safety zone, where I can just be me, and the world can't get in for a moment.
I love my life. I know I keep saying that... I'm seeing a theme. :) I am certain the storms in my life are not over. I am positive I will have more days of doubt and fear and uncertainty ahead... and I am so thankful that these moments of peace, clarity, and growth are preparing me for whatever life has for me next.

No really. I love my life. :)

Real Life.

Sick children make me want to do nothing but sit and cuddle with them all day. Unfortunately the laundry doesn't wash itself, the kitchen must be kept up a little, and dinner will be needed eventually. Oh and I should probably shower so my husband will continue to sleep next to me at night. lol. *sigh* I think chicken noodle soup would be the perfect cure for my recovering babies, and the easiest option for me today since I can put it on the stove now and leave it to simmer all day.
It seems a worn down immune system can lead to allergies taking over a 4 year olds body so he's whiney, bored, tired, and feeling crappy. And teething can make a baby who's usually happy to play on his own, want to be held, fed and put to sleep all day. Oh and a husband who works 10 hours a day and can't find clean socks in the morning practically begs for laundry to get done. lol. All Mommy wants is a mani/pedi, eyebrow wax, tanning session, a good cup of coffee and a book in a quiet day that's all mine. Haha! That won't be happening for a little while yet... gotta get these babies well first!!

I've recently come across the path of old friends again... it's funny how in finding out where they've been and what they've been up to and where they are now in life, it causes me to reflect back on where I've been, what I've been doing, and most importantly where I am now.
I'm so thankful for my messy home, my dirty kitchen full of food, my children who want all of my attention  all of the time, my husband and partner who both keeps me sane and drives me nuts, and most of all that I am a woman with a million reasons to be happy, and who truly loves and appreciates her life and the people in it.

Someone spoke recently of finding adventure in life. Of living every day to the fullest, unafraid of taking risks and trying new things... learning what life is all about. I remember a time in my life when I wanted nothing more... a time when I was always looking for the next big adventure, the next thrill that would make me feel more alive than ever. Now? Now I find that adventure in every single ordinary day. My life is so full it's overflowing most of the time. I live every day to the fullest, some days by hanging out with sick kids watching silly tv shows talking about all the wonderful things kids find to discuss... and some days it's dealing with the newest unexpected thing that life has thrown my way, or reaching out to the latest person put in my path who needs a friend, or a hand, or just a kind word. I no longer wonder when I'll feel that -more alive than ever- feeling again... I feel it every single day.
When I put my kids down for naps and I sit down and look around and realize I've never in my life been happier.
When I'm playing on a swing with a baby in my lap and a little boy running around on the playground and I realize my whole world is right there in front of me.
When I'm crawling into bed exhausted and my husband puts his arms around me and while we fall asleep together I realize I've found everything I ever hoped to have in love& marriage, and it's getting better every day.
When my sons wake me up in the early morning and as I pull them into bed with me to start my day by holding them both, and I feel my tiniest one kicking away inside me, and I realize that I have more than I ever could deserve, that if I had to choose, this is what I would want.
All of this. The good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. It all makes up a life that I have learned to adore, that I thrive on.  My quiet days with my little family, my crazy days with the whole extended family, all of it. It's all more amazing than I ever dared hope.

"This is your life... are you who you want to be?"

A friend introduced me in a round-a-bout way to a song that I have fallen in love with... these beautiful words are from it....

"I know someday this all will be over

And it's hard to say what most I will miss

Just give me one way to spend my last moments alive

And I'll choose this, I'll choose this, I'll choose this!"

What better way to live? :)

xoxo