... and she lived happily ever after.

Ahh... downtown. Nightlife. People everywhere. Dancing. Drinking. Hanging out with friends. A few of my favorite things! I love having a night out now and then to just be a woman, dressing up, flirting with my husband like the newlyweds we still are, playing a game of pool or shuffleboard, jumping from place to place seeing where feels right for the evening, running into people I know, some I've known forever and hardly see, others I've known only a little but still enjoy seeing, grabbing a drink here and there, letting go of any stress and just playing. All of those things are fun to me.

And then there's the fact that I am a Mother. A wife. A different woman. Or not, maybe just... the same woman, better at being me. :)
No matter how much fun I'm having, or how much I enjoy my freedom from home, housework and children... I have to check in where my kids are a few times so that I can enjoy myself fully while away. I plan for the next day and how much sleep I'll need, or rest time I'll have to recover while not neglecting my babies... I think different. I act different.
I love my friends, I've always been a, "huggie", "friendly", "social butterfly", type... I always will be. Now though, I hang on my husband, because he's my favorite person to be with. I watch how I act, because I don't want to misrepresent who I am by how I act like I've done in the past. I don't pretend to be best friends with people whom I hardly consider true friends. I love people, without faking it. I watch people, and wonder what their lives are like OUTSIDE this environment. I see plastics and I wonder, do they ever get tired of working so hard to feel pretty or handsome? Or realize they look just like half of the others wandering around acting mindless? I get crazy in a fun way, but never go crazy or forget myself. I enjoy myself, without regrets. Because my children mean the world to me and I have an example to set, and habits to form of the example I want to set. Because I love my husband and I don't care if it's cheesy or cliche', he is my favorite person, and the only one who's feelings about my actions and appearance truly matter to me. Because I have figured out just who I am, and I never want to forget again, or be "that girl", again.

It makes me proud that in a hard, horrible moment, one I dreaded for over a year, one I was not quite ready for... though shaken, I didn't lose myself. I was able to regain footing, find my center, take back my power again from one I'd given it to for far too long before, and go on with my life with the help of those who love me. Faced with it again I've no doubt it will be a process to be repeated, possibly several times in the future, but I came out on top one night. I managed to succeed in taking my power back one more time, and my night was still fantastic! And that's good enough for me. For now. :)

Yes, I don't think I will ever really outgrow my nights out. And I love that those nights have changed so drastically from what they looked like at 18, or 21.
I love who I am.
I love the life that I lead and the reasons that I have to be a better woman.
I love that I have found the strength to be that woman, and the joy in that.
I love being happy with myself, and watching myself learn, and allowing myself to learn.
I love that I have let go of relationships that were hindering that growth, and that I've found out that some friends, were real friends, there no matter what.
I love that my husband adores me so, goes out of his way to be there for me while I learn, and to learn and grow with me as we both adjust our lives to create a family and relationship that's so worthwhile to us.
I love that I have best friends to walk with me through some of the tough times, to hold my hand or wrap their arms around me and remind me of the powerful woman that I am, and to help create a safety zone, where I can just be me, and the world can't get in for a moment.
I love my life. I know I keep saying that... I'm seeing a theme. :) I am certain the storms in my life are not over. I am positive I will have more days of doubt and fear and uncertainty ahead... and I am so thankful that these moments of peace, clarity, and growth are preparing me for whatever life has for me next.

No really. I love my life. :)