I'll have a fairytale, with a twist.

When I was younger I dreamed of a fairytale like I had seen in the movies. A princess locked in a tower, waiting for her prince charming to brave the woods, slay the dragon& rescue her.

Inside walls most people didn't know existed I lived with scars from battles that I couldn't wrap my head around. I dreamed& touted freedom& love while wishing I could make them real. 

I have had a beautiful life. Family not many are lucky to experience. Friends I couldn't imagine my life's journey without. Love, laughter, amazing experiences... & 3 incredible little boys who changed my world one at a time & everyday since they arrived. I had the honor of marrying a man I thought was perfect. A man I respected & adored. 

I chose to believe my fairy tale had arrived & all I had left was living happily ever after. 

And then time allowed healing, growth, and changes in perspective. I began to see that I had counted on a hero, when I was the only one who could save me from myself, from the castle tower I had built and crawled into for protection from the storms. As I saw myself in a new light, I saw what was & was not working in my life in new ways. I saw things that needed change... and slowly, painfully, and completely imperfectly I set out to change them. 

If I'm being completely honest, my clear realization of what was going on didn't come until much more recently. The struggle and underlying feelings however began some time ago. 

I am choosing not to dredge back through the what, why & how. I am here. And I want to share where "here" is...

I described myself to someone awhile back as a princess type. I like the idea of my castle and happily ever after. But what I realized since then is I'm not cinderella. I don't hide in corners, waiting for prince charming. I'm a WARRIOR princess. Fighting for my cause, my castle... myself. I am learning to embrace what I've known but been afraid to fully accept... I have everything I need. And "prince charming" had better be able to keep up if he plans on being in my world! ;)

Life is not some make-believe story. And fairy tales are not all about the rescue... I think they're more about love. So if I can love myself, truly love myself the way I want to be loved, then I think I already have the PERFECT fairy tale.

(& I have 3 cute princes in my story too!! ;p)

There's a saying someone sent me, that I adore.
"Strong women wear their pain like stilettos. No matter how much it hurts all you see is the beauty of it."
I certainly hope that the beauty I see & create will be seen by those around me as well.