I'm sorry, what's your name again??

Uneducated judgement shared, is in my opinion one of the cruelest things we humans can do to each other.
And most judgement is just that... from an uneducated source.

We take one thing someone has said and then we pick it apart, compare it to our own experiences, (which most often are NOT as close to the persons we are comparing it with as we'd like to think), and then we pass judgements about how they think, act, feel, respond... and for what? Our own sense of self-righteousness?! Get a grip people. We are not God. Of course we all judge, it is a basic human right to assess a situation, the person involved, and acknowledge our judgements about said things. However, it is also our nature to be wrong. To base those judgements on past experience and not even realize we are allowing bitterness, prejudice, scars, and fears control how we react to someone. Seeing a large bald man causes me to instantly feel fear, not because he's done anything, but because past experience tells me that large bald men are not to be trusted... and should be avoided at all costs. And if I act on that always I may miss some beautiful connections in life. Of course there is the flip side, where it may save me more pain... but most of the time, my gut will tell me if someone is worth trusting or not based on a persons actions and behaviors around me, if I give them a chance to be within 10 feet for more than 10 seconds.

There are times I wish I could hand out a manual on me. Basic things I'd just like everyone who wishes to come in contact with me to know... so that if they really wish to judge me, they can. Fully educated. At least then I can see real colors instead of trying to pick through who's reacting to me out of their own fears, who is genuinely making a good point, and who is just a low life not worth keeping in my life.

Feel free to judge me all you like... when you look at my past go ahead - point out to me again all the many, hundreds of mistakes I made. And remember, I walked that path alone with my thoughts, emotions, beliefs, knowledge, lack of knowledge... my God, and most importantly my burning desire for something more than what I, or anyone else around me, had yet found. Or at least properly portrayed.
I didn't walk blindly away into something I didn't understand... and I wasn't, "led astray", as so many would like to believe.
  I jumped head first off a cliff, because it was do or die. I could have stayed where I was, "safe", but it didn't seem so safe anymore. I could have followed in the footsteps that led me down the same church hallways, up to the same alters every few months, to the same, "charity", events when I needed a little giving back time... I could have listened to the voices that told me to stop publicly questioning the beliefs they were so diligently pounding into the heads of other impressionable young minds, and to stop being curious about things outside of the, "safety", of my sheltered little world.
  I could have lost my heart in the bs daily routines and expected life that look so pretty to some on the outside, and make saying words like "fulfilling", and "peaceful", so common. And had I done all that I could have missed a lot of pain, a ton of heartache, a million hard lessons, and a countless amount of  pathetically uneducated sympathetic stares from the ones I at one point loved and trusted so much.

I also would have missed the beautiful feeling of a free-fall in young adult life... and even more beautiful the sometimes otherwise unappreciated feeling of solid ground that has since followed. I would have missed the lessons in true compassion, not tainted by unrealistic expectations or beliefs that people, "just didn't understand", but simple, straightforward genuine compassion for others, who perhaps were/are experiencing their trials, their free-fall, and the bruises and beauty that come with it.

  I might have lost faith. True faith. That people are stronger than we give them credit for, wiser than we'd like to think, more capable than we care to acknowledge, and more aware than we'd sometimes like. I might not have seen the beauty in a life that has been lived, tried, tested, torn apart, built back up... lived. I might not even have known the meaning of that word.

  I would have missed several dozen moonlit nights on rooftops, park playgrounds, grassy open areas, and hilltops, just staring into the endless abyss, screaming, yelling, fighting with myself, wrestling my angels & demons alike, passing thoughts around like a well-loved peace pipe, and figuring out piece by piece what MY LIFE was really all about. Who I was. What I was meant for. Why I was here, why I'd been there, what that meant to me, what it all was worth... and eventually, finding the truth in the center of it all, untouched by all the questions... unmoved by my doubt of it's existence, and unchanged by my shoving, twisting, bending, and prying. I might have never known all that truth&love can withstand. And what a tragedy if that were so! For in that I found a truth I could not ignore, nor would I ever want to! I found a strength that I can always pull from... seeded into my very heart. Untouchable by any but myself. And a love that can reach beyond any walls, and cast out any fear.... if I choose to use it and accept it.

 I know the pain caused by abandonment and abuse. I know the fear instilled by a loss of control in a terrible situation. I know the lasting effects of those fears and the mistakes being ruled by it can cause. I know that sometimes, no matter how many times you say no, some people just don't care. I know when trusting isn't worth the risk. And I know when it is. I know the incredible heartache caused when love just isn't enough. When forgiveness is a one way street. When it's time to say goodbye before you're ready, and it rips your heart wide open and leaves it for others to trample. I know the confusion, self-doubt, and self-blame that can flood in when someone chooses someone else over you. The incredible sinking feeling of realizing you were just passed over... and there's no use even crying anymore.

I've been called heartless, vile, cruel, for things I've said or done with perceived indifference. What no one knew or chose to see was the pain and/or experience that led to those decisions, words or actions. I make an attempt at not casting those same judgements on others... although I've done my share of it I am sure, and when I recognize it later I hate that I've done so.

  I've seen the dark side of things... and the brightest.  I've been further than even I wanted to travel at times, I've spent nights contemplating, crying, laughing and learning. And I've come through it all and created a beautiful life. Full of purpose, true peace, happiness, and plenty of room for even more lessons and growth.

  So judge me and whomever else you if you choose... just remember that regardless of your own life's journey, there is only so much we can ever understand of each others, so while we judge and believe we know, we typically come across sounding like uneducated, inconsiderate, cold hearted assholes.

Of course it's that's your thing... who am I to judge? ;p